When 'faking it' is tempting...
Have you ever been faced with an opportunity that you felt required you to stretch yourself beyond your capabilities if you wanted to succeed?
Maybe it was a chance to get promoted, a new business opportunity in an area you were less experienced, or simply an event you wanted to attend where you felt out of your depth or lacking confidence.
These are all types of situations where you might be given the advice to ‘fake it ‘til you make it’.
In other words, if you pretend to everyone around you that you can do it, they’ll believe you while you figure it all out and, by then, it’ll all be real.
This is often advice lapped up by ambitious people who believe in “saying yes” and figuring out how they’ll do it later.
Ambition is great. But is faking it?
Is it just a harmless strategy for winning in life or is it fraught with problems? And, is there a better way that will help you achieve success without feeling like a fraud?
That’s what we’re going to be finding out the answer to today.
The problem with faking it.
Why are so many of us tempted to fake it ‘til we make it?
Quite simply, it’s because it can often seem to get quick results. And, who doesn’t like a short cut from time to time?
For example…
- If you’re feeling nervous about attending a networking meeting and faking confidence gets you through the door and introducing yourself boldly, it can feel motivating.
- If you want a promotion and persuading everyone that you’re ready, even when you don’t feel you are, could land you the job.
- If someone approaches you about a business opportunity that’s slightly out of your skillset, but you convince them you can do it, you have a greater chance of securing the work.
All this sounds great. But, there are a few major problems.
Firstly, you know the truth and there will be a constant worry in the back of your mind that – at any moment – others will find out too. This can fuel a feeling of anxiety and ignite imposter syndrome, both of which may escalate the longer you feel you are faking it.
Being inauthentic can create feelings of distrust with people around you too. How often do you notice that something’s not quite adding up regarding people around you or people you see on TV? Do you sense when people are not being themselves, even if you’re not quite sure why?
Another bad thing about faking it is that it can lead to burnout as you try to compensate for the gaps you feel you have in your skills, knowledge, experience and confidence.
Compounding this is that faking it also encourages you to ignore your feelings so you might not be tuned into the signals your body is sending to you to stop.
In short, faking it might get you through some of the doors you desire but it often doesn’t feel good at all.
Many people think that this feeling is something that you just have to grit your teeth and get through until you make it through the other end and have become the ‘real deal’. Then, it will all be okay again.
But, what if I told you, there’s a much better way? One that helps you open doors and succeed while feeling good about it all too?
A better, more real way.
Let’s explore the alternatives to faking it so you can focus on simply making it instead.
To do this, we’ll take a trip back in time and understand where the concept of ‘fake it ‘til you make it’ came from because it actually has its roots in a useful idea. Once we know this, we can map out a much better route to success.
One of the first to describe the root concept was sociologist, Robert K. Merton who explored the idea of self-fulfilling prophecies.
He believed the meaning people assign to a situation affects how they set about it. This meaning – or definition – becomes their belief and this can become the outcome.
Knowing this helps us get to the heart of the problem of ‘faking it’. Every time you do this, you are adopting the belief that something is lacking within you and increasing the probability that this lack will be the outcome.
Maybe this belief is that…
• You don’t really deserve this opportunity or that others are more deserving than you.
• You are not really good enough or that others are better than you.
• You can’t really do this or you might fail.
This belief can lead to escalating anxiety, cause you to make mistakes, compromise your performance, self sabotage, or trigger potential failures.
If nothing else, it can be harder to concentrate, perform at your best and even sleep when you are harbouring or trying to bury such beliefs.
Instead, how about we go back to Robert K. Merton’s idea and look at it differently?
How about instead of adopting a false identity, you set yourself a goal you believe in, one you can align your actions with? Your goal and your actions can then become the definition that becomes the belief that becomes the successful outcome you’re striving for.
The focus is then no longer on whether you are good enough but on what you really want, something it’s important you believe you deserve to pursue in the timescale that feels right for you.
So, visualise that goal for a moment. What is it you really want? It could be a job, a business opportunity, a feeling or a situation you want to bring about.
There are then 6 things you can do to bring your goal into reality in way that feels authentic and not fake at all.
Six ways to succeed as the 'real you'.
1. Look at the evidence.
The first step is to ask yourself whether you have what it takes already. I say this because a lot of people doubt themselves when they actually have enough of the ingredients to take the step they need.
They don’t actually need to fake it, they actually need to be themselves minus the doubt.
So, before you consider making any changes, look at the evidence objectively. Do you have what you need already or do you need something more?
2. Map the journey.
If there’s something you feel you need, the next step is to get practical.
Be realistic about what you need to take that next step. If necessary, do some research. Speak to people who know the field well.
Something important to note here is that this isn’t about being a perfectionist. You don’t need to have every single box ticked to be ready. But what is the minimum you need?
Don’t forget you can learn along the way. So how can you grow authentically while having momentum rather than forcing yourself into a static position or caving into the temptation to reach for your mask to cover the gap?
3. Plan, prepare, and put in the practise.
Linked to mapping is the underrated payback that planning and preparing brings you. It buys you time and is the best way to quell anxiety.
Why spend time worrying when you can prepare for the thing that concerns you? Why wear a mask when the real you could come forward with the answers?
Whatever is ahead, think about the skills you may need, any experience that would be helpful, questions that could come up, people you may meet, and so on.
Know what you need and put in the practise.
Again, this isn’t about perfection. You don’t need to know and be prepared for absolutely everything. What you are doing is giving ‘future you’ the best possible opportunity.
4. Face your fears.
If there is something you are afraid of, challenges you are avoiding, or weaknesses that you want to address, face them.
Trying to burying them by ‘faking it’ will only make you feel a fraud. And, not being honest, robs you of opportunities to put in the practice and ask others for support.
When you are open with others about your journey – where it is appropriate for you – you open yourself up for support. Maybe ask someone who you know is great in an area where you want to advance if they’ll mentor you, or seek out a coach, or expert.
Equally, if you’re worried about something, trying to bury it may cause it call out louder when you least want it to. Our worries can become bigger when we ignore them.
It can help to face your very worst fears honestly.
What would you do if the worst happened? What would you do if you forgot your words in a presentation or didn’t know the answer to a question in an area of your expertise, or failed to meet a deadline?
It’s much better to have a plan, to reach out for support, and to take action than to be consumed with worry that eats away at you and stops you performing at your best.
If you do find you’re concerned about your levels of anxiety, you may want to consult a professional therapist. It can make a tremendous difference having this support.
5. Step boldly and proudly into who you are.
A common reason people ‘fake it’ is because they think someone else is better than them. Usually this is borne out of comparison.
But the truth is, whatever stage you are at right now, your greatest potential is in your uniqueness, it’s in your originality.
So, rather than try and bury your characteristics, see if you can find ways to bring them out, master being you and get other people on board with that.
When you feel confident in who you are – rather than a false persona – people will develop confidence and trust in you. Plus originality gives you a greater opportunity to stand out in the crowd.
6. Let your achievements fuel belief.
The final step to letting go of the temptation to ‘fake it’, is to keep a track of both the progress and achievements you make as your real self. This fuels belief.
And, going back to Robert K. Merton, belief creates outcomes – now and into the future.
So, it’s time to stop faking it, start believing in yourself, and make great things happen.
Key takeaways.
- Many people are tempted to take the advice to fake it ‘til they make it, especially if they are ambitious, because it can feel like a shortcut to securing opportunities and getting results. And, initially, it can sometimes lead people to feel like they’re winning.
- The problem with faking it ‘til you make it is it’s fraught with problems as it can lead to feelings of anxiety, fuel imposter syndrome, trigger burnout, and foster distrust. This can all be caused by an underlying belief that you don’t really deserve an opportunity, you’re not good enough, you can’t really do it, or you might fail, which faking it will never cure.
- Rather than create a false identity, a better way is to set yourself a goal you believe in, one you can align your actions with, and one that you can know that you deserve to pursue in the timescale that’s right for you. There are then 6 things you can do to succeed at this without faking it. Look at your evidence objectively. Map the journey. Plan, prepare, and put what you need into practise. Face your fears. Step boldly and proudly into who you are. And, let your achievements fuel your self belief.