We're told that humility is good.
There’s nothing more off putting than arrogance or someone who shows off.
But, in our efforts to sound more respectable, we can cause ourselves problems: We can undersell ourselves, put ourselves down, and risk missing out on opportunities.
So, is there a better way?
We’re going to be talking about how you can strike a balance. Because you can create a great impression and elevate your success without sounding like you’re bragging.
And crucially, we’ll be sharing why it’s so important that your efforts and achievements get noticed.
Humility has its place.
Humility can help you feel more human, more in-touch and more approachable. For this reason, it can help you have healthy relationships, open conversations, and make you receptive to feedback.
Humility is also key for helping you be clear on what you do and don’t know. Research has shown that those with low humility can mistakenly be over confident even when they are incorrect which can potentially lead to an array of problems. These people can also be less open minded to having their viewpoints challenged which could lead to them suffering from both blind spots and challenges in relationships.
A great thing about humility is that it can help you be more aware when you need support, improving teamwork, and avoiding you feeling isolated or facing burnout.
It can also help you be more open about the areas where you need to grow so you take action, allowing you to improve your effectiveness over time.
All this is good.
But sometimes it’s possible to be too humble and that is a problem
When being humble is a problem.
Being too humble could be overt such as minimising your achievements, putting yourself down, or talking about yourself in a depreciating away – or allowing others to do so.
Or, being too humble could be more subtle like keeping quiet about your achievements or not speaking up about your valuable skills.
There are lots of reasons people to do this. Sometimes it’s because they’re worried about sounding arrogant or that others might think they’re boastful. Other times they’re concerned about making others feel bad. Or it can simply be a habit from years of being told not to show off while growing up.
Whatever the reason, it’s a problem, not least because there are plenty of people who are not afraid to speak up about their achievements and successes. These are the people who could be taking credit for your work or taking opportunities from you if you’re not careful. As these people rise up and are seen as leaders, you risk lagging behind and being used, which you don’t deserve that at all.
Being too humble can also have a negative impact on your self-esteem. Words matter. Every time you allow yourself to be put yourself down, you are devaluing yourself.
So, what’s a better way? There are six things you can try that will take you from being too humble to standing out boldly.
6 ways to stand out boldly.
1. Validate yourself inside first.
The work to be less humble begins inside yourself. You need to truly believe you deserve to shine if any of the other techniques are going to work and if you’re going come across as authentic.
So, that’s where you need to start. No matter what anyone’s said to you in the past or what you think anyone thinks now, choose to believe you deserve your achievements, your position, your desires, and that you deserve to be noticed.
2. Choose how you will come across.
To make a greater impact, it helps to decide how you are going to show up.
What is the opposite of being too humble? Obviously, you don’t want to be arrogant. So, you need to find an alternative, elevated perception you feel confident with.
It can help to distil this down to a word or phrase that you can picture. Maybe you want to feel strong, to be proud, to rise up, to shine, to be awesome, epic, or vibrant.
Bring this positive feeling to mind next time you want to speak up and truly embody it.
3. Get in the habit of speaking up.
How often do you hold back what you want to say? Or how often do words come to you later and you’re filled with regret?
It’s time to get in the habit of speaking up rather than waiting for big moments so that it feels more natural – and you’re prepared – when those key moments arrive.
So, pay attention. Notice those small opportunities to drop your skills, experiences, achievements, stories, and wisdom into conversation and be proud. Have the facts to hand so you can pull them out when you need them and you sound certain about what you’re saying.
To get the tone right, you can think about ensuring what you share is informative, relevant to the context and of value to the person you are sharing it with.
And make sure you keep things two way, creating opportunities for dialogue, for others to share their perspectives, and be open to feedback too.Â
Listening is a great way of showing that you’re open minded and that you understand. It also gives you an opportunity to tailor what you share about yourself so it’s more likely to hit the mark with your audience.
And, if you find being spontaneous hard, the trick is to prepare talking points in advance. Also remember that you can always follow up with people if you have a useful thought in the days after meeting someone.
4. Don’t wait for the right time.
If you wait for opportunities to come your way, you could be waiting for a while.
It’s much better to create them. Where do the people who can open doors for you hang out? Do they know about you? Do they know your capabilities? What matters to them? What do they need? What do they value?
Maybe there are events and conferences you can attend, people in your network who can introduce you. Or maybe the people who need to hear about what you can do are in your environment already, you’re just not visible enough yet.
Make it your business to know and set about creating opportunities to meet them and start conversations.
Again, this can be just as much about listening as it can be about speaking – who likes being jumped on and pitched at?Â
So, think more in terms of how you can build relationships in a natural way.
5. Focus on you.
An important thing to remember is that standing out isn’t a competition.
Being noticed and recognised for your achievements doesn’t require anyone else to lose out. So, be sure not to put anyone else down or criticise others, even if you have suspicions about what others are saying.
You’ll command more respect by holding your head high and focusing on yourself and what you can offer without getting drawn into drama.
While focusing on you, it helps to be honest about what you do and don’t know. Being clear about the expertise you do have, gives you greater credibility.
This is because no one believes everyone knows everything so trying to give this impression could create feelings of distrust. Being honest about your expertise takes courage. It shows that you know yourself well and that your expertise is dependable.
Maybe you can talk about how you collaborate with others when a wider skillset is required and you need to deliver bigger results. It’s an opportunity to talk about your leadership and how you elevate those around you.
6. Practice bold asks.
Finally, one of the big drivers behind people being too humble is fear of rejection.
A way of overcoming this is to actively practice facing rejection.Â
Go to a shop and ask for a bigger discount than you think you can get away with, go to a café and ask for a drink they wouldn’t normally have, and so on. Get used to asking without the fear of having ‘no’. No is just a type of response.
Then, when you have got used to this, apply this skill more practically in other areas of your life where you need to make realistic requests that stretch your confidence.
By practising this and getting comfortable with it, you’ll then be less afraid of asking for something that matters to you when a big moment comes.Â
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Key takeaways.
- Â Humility has its place. It can help you have healthy relationships, be more open minded, access support, grow, and generally be more effective. It can also help you avoid the traps of overconfidence.
- The problem with being too humble is that it can lead others to take credit for your work and cause you to miss out on opportunities as other people who are more bold step forward. Being too humble can also negatively impact your self esteem.
- There are six ways you can make the shift from being too humble to standing out boldly. Validate yourself inside first. Choose how you will come across. Get in the habit of speaking up. Don’t wait for the right time. Focus on you – don’t put others down. Be honest. And, practice bold asks.
