What do you believe you are worth?
For some people thinking of their worth brings to mind a monetary value. That’s why, when the Sunday Times publishes its ‘Rich Lists’, millions or billions are placed on the heads of figures around the world.
More commonly, people think of themselves in terms of a certain salary, hourly rate, day rate, or in terms of assets they’ve accumulated.
For others their worth is tied up with their achievements. Their value is measured in terms of their position, the number of years’ experience they have or in holding certain qualifications, maybe represented in letters proudly added to their name.
Alternatively, their worth may be tied up in a characteristic. Maybe it’s their creativity, their leadership qualities, their strength, intelligence, or charisma.
But, are any of these things really the source of your worth and do you feel you are as valued as you should be?
Or are others missing your potential? Do you sometimes feel others take advantage of you, expect things from you for less than you feel you are worth, even for free if they can get away with it?
We’re going to be exploring your true value and some great ways to get others to see it.
What is self worth?
Very simply, your worth relates to the value you place on yourself. This is an important starting place because this feeling must begin inside you.
If you always rely on external factors for validation of your worth, you are likely to come away disappointed, at least some of the time.
And, if you wait to be validated, it can hold you back from going out there in full confidence, knowing what you are worth and seeking what you know you deserve.
That’s not to say that realism that comes with external checks doesn’t have a place. Data and benchmarks can be useful. For example checking the average salary brackets for a profession or prices for a service.
But, if you know you are worth more, you will be motivated to take the action required to progress beyond this. Because external information is simply that – information – not a ceiling.
Where problems with self worth and establishing value begin.
For many people, their sense of worth is developed while they are at school. Therefore, it becomes tied up with achievement, with those who are doing well feeling a strong sense of self worth while those who are not performing so well struggling with shame and disappointment that can be hard to shake even as they get older.
Tying up your sense of worth with your performance or achievements is problematic.
Outcomes fluctuate and are not always due to the effort you put in. For example, an athlete can do everything to train for a race, getting up in the dark, optimising their nutrition and sticking to their schedule. But then they face an injury, adverse weather conditions, or equipment failure and that’s before the performance of other competitors is factored in.
Is their life then worth less due their inability to perform on one day? Of course not. They’ve encountered some challenges that they must overcome. That is all.
Whereas success comes from results, our self worth cannot.
We are always valuable.
How to find your true value.
Finding your true value has important two parts.
Part 1: Seeing the value you bring to the world just by being you.
There are two important questions to ask yourself.
- What are the top three words that describe what makes you unique?
- What are your top three greatest strengths?
Remember, don’t tie these up with achievements – these should be things that bring you energy – for example creativity, social skills, the ability to think logically, your love of the outdoors and so on.
If you struggle with either of these questions, ask 3-5 people who you trust to give an honest but respectful opinion to give you some suggestions. Then, look for the words that resonate with you.
Part 2: Seeing the power within you to succeed.
Your inner power is part of your core value and can protect you against external pressures.
This part of the process is inspired by the findings of Professor Martin Covington who developed the Self Worth Theory of Motivation. He identified two self-protective strategies people use to avoid failure and mask the feelings of shame and humiliation that can come when you don’t feel worthy. Both of these strategies can get in the way of your success so we need to address them and find a better way through.
- The first strategy is ‘defensive pessimism’ – which involves deliberately lowering your expectations so as to avoid disappointment. For example, not expecting to get a job or asking for a lower rate of pay because you’re anticipating rejection.
- The second strategy is ‘self handicapping’, which involves creating excuses for not achieving something. You might, for example, not attempt something in the first place so you don’t have the opportunity to fail or leave something so late it no longer becomes an option.
Both of these scenarios can create situations where you are accepting a reality that is below what you are worth and not orientating yourself toward success.
Instead, three questions you can ask yourself to ensure you are empowering yourself to embrace your true value are:
- Is there anything you want from your life that you need to give yourself permission to desire? Although there will be steps you need to take to make this happen and people you need to work with, you don’t need to wait for anyone to approve your desire. It is yours and it is time to believe you are worth it.
- Thinking of what you desire, what are the top three things that are in your power to make this happen?
- What is the one thing you can start this week?
Six ways to get others to see your value.
Now you know your true worth, it’s important to ensure others value you too. There are six key things you could to do.
1. Bring you strengths into the spotlight.
Now you’re clear on your strengths, bring them into the spotlight and don’t be afraid to highlight them confidently.
This doesn’t mean you’ll sound arrogant. Think instead about how you create value for others. How do you make a difference? What is the transformation you can deliver?
2. Stop seeing what you know as obvious.
Because you live with yourself, your thoughts, and your knowledge every day, it’s easy to take it for granted. Doesn’t everyone know this stuff? When you think this way, it’s tempting to give it away for less than it’s worth.
Instead, think back 5, 10, even 20 years ago. What difference would it have made to know what you know now? What value does your wisdom bring to others?
3. Avoid comparison.
Comparisonitis is a virus that attacks your self worth. It can lead to you feeling inadequate and worth less than you are.
Remember that you are original. Focus on what is unique about you. Why do you do things the way you do? How do you do things differently? Make that your focus.
This is such an important topic that we have a whole podcast episode dedicated to avoiding comparison which you can access here.
4. Work with the right people.
Sadly, not everyone will value you. That doesn’t mean you are worth less.
Recently, I visited Devon and was buying a fabulous, locally made ice cream. It was delicious. Behind me in the queue, someone scoffed and said “I wouldn’t pay that for ice cream” and walked off. They didn’t value that it was handcrafted and made from fresh ingredients. But I – and others – did.
So, know you value, know where you need to be and find the people who will value you.
5. Keep growing.
When you value yourself, you’ll invest in yourself. Because, if you keep growing, you’ll enhance your value. You’ll become wiser, more knowledgeable, stronger.
In fact, the more your grow, the more original you become because everyone grows in a unique direction.
6. Don’t accept less than you deserve.
The most important message of is all is…
Don’t accept anything less than you deserve.
If you do, it will send this message. When you know your value, and truly believe it, you’ll communicate this with confidence and the right people will believe in you too.
And remember this: whatever happens in your life, whatever the ups and downs, whatever your achievements, you matter.
You have great worth. You are valuable.
Key takeaways.
- For many people, their worth is tied up in their performance and achievements which can have a destructive impact on feelings of self-worth, especially when ups and downs are due to factors outside of their control and are not reflective of the efforts they put in.
- Your self worth does not come from external factors but from within. You can find it by identifying what makes you unique and your core strengths. To unlock your self worth, it’s crucial you empower yourself to succeed and don’t use unhelpful strategies – such as defensive pessimism and self-handicapping – that hold you back from acknowledging your true desires and orientating yourself toward success.
- There are six things you can do to help others to see your value: Bring your strengths into the spotlight, stop seeing what you know as obvious, avoid comparison, work with the right people, keep growing, and don’t accept anything less than you deserve.